Millimeter Peter
by Lovelylauren10
Summary: TxG Troy Bolton was known to do things on impulse, not thinking about what was going to happen after just laughing about the situation. To Gabriella Montez, this was no laughing matter. Oneshot!


**So, it's my spring break so I thought I would upload this. It is kind of scandalous but really funny. The beginning makes it seem sad...but it's not. It's actually pretty funny. It is another 'Adventure of Troy and Gabriella.' I love making these two crazy. Anyway...hope you do too! **

When Troy Bolton imagined the end of his life, this wasn't the ideal way he wanted to go. He expected to have his wife and children by his side. He expected to be 100 or so, having lived a long and happy life.

He expected People Magazine to devote an entire issue on his life and how much good he had done. Then he knew that his wife and children would name a charity after him and he would put his money into something good.

Yes, that was exactly how he imagined going. Not as a healthy and happy 22 year old. He was fresh out of college and definitely enjoying life.

Well, used to be.

"Troy, fucking, Bolton I am going to kill you."

He had heard the same phrase repeated to him multiple times, each being filled with more and more malice.

"El, listen…one day we are going to look back and laugh."

Gabriella Montez knew her boyfriend often did things on impulse and she laughed every once in a while. However, this time he had crossed her line. She was going to rip him apart, starting with his gentiles and then his eyes. It would be a slow and painful death.

"Hell no, I won't be laughing. I am going to rip your balls off when we get home," she said through her teeth. She couldn't even believe that he was perfectly ok.

"Baby, maybe we should take you to a doctor. It isn't healthy for you to be saying such graphic things."

He knew he needed to shut up when her eyes burned into his skin.

"You call me at one in the morning to bail you out of jail," she started slowly, "and normally I would be ok with that. I was expecting like a speeding ticket or punching a paparazzi. No, why don't you repeat what exactly you did." Troy paused for a moment, trying to spin the scene in a way that didn't seem as bad.

"I got wicked wasted, then ran up and down the streets of LA naked. Then I got charged for public indecency and locked in jail. And now I may be on record as a criminal sex-offender."

He realized how stupid he sounded the second he repeated what he did.

"And that is why I am going to fucking kill you. My perfect Hollywood reputation has been destroyed because my basketball-star-turned-criminal-boyfriend ran around naked," Troy laughed,

"El, you are a magazine writer. No one knows who you are," by the look on her face, he reworded herself, "not a good thing to say, huh?"

"No. You should just shut up and sit there. It's so disgusting. You better be happy that I have tinted windows. Gosh, you are so nasty," he held back a laugh but failed miserably. She glared at him, scaring him again.

"What?"

"What's so funny?" He snorted,

"It's just that last night we were doing that kinky thing where you…"

"I'm going to kill you."

He sat quietly for a few minutes until he saw how angry she was. He had really pissed her off.

"Baby, are you going to break up with me?" She glanced at him and then focused on the road. She wasn't going to, because she loved him, but she could scare the shit out of him.

"My mother and the rest of the world is going to see your Millimeter Peter and I am not ok with that," He was upset for a few seconds until her words registered with him,

"MILIMETER PETER? I_ so_ don't have a millimeter peter. El, I don't have a millimeter peter. I actually have a big dick. Like the biggest. Look at it! It's bigger than a semi." She glanced down at his crotch and glanced back up, ignoring him.

"Whatever."

She continued driving, ignoring her naked boyfriend in the front seat. Sure, she could handle a naked Troy Bolton any day, or night but now…she was pissed.

Somewhere between the bar and the jail, Troy had lost his clothes. And he wasn't allowed to keep the jumpsuit from the jail.

"It cost me 2000 dollars to get your naked ass out of jail!" She finally announced, wanting to guilt him out. He looked at her finally,

"I'm not talking to you until you apologize to 'Big Troy.' You hurt his feelings." She shook her head and glared at her boyfriend,

"Troy, I am not going to apologize to your penis. I'm the one that picked you and 'big Troy' up at the jail," she gripped the steering wheel harder at the stop light and Troy finished,

"You'll apologize to 'Big Troy' or you won't be getting any." It was an empty threat, really. The female just stayed mute and finally spoke up,

"I'm not apologizing to your penis. Quit looking at me like that."

Gabriella had been sleeping well in the bed when a 'collect call' had rung through her cell phone. Noticing that her boyfriend wasn't on the opposite side of the bed, she picked up the phone fearing the worse. What if he had been hurt?

Nope. Instead she heard a quiet, _'El, can you come get me? I'm in jail.' _So, still freaked out, she rushed to the county jail. However, when the officer told her exactly why Troy Bolton was located in the cell, she almost left him.

"Millimeter Peter? I bet the chat rooms are going to be lighting up, saying how much girls want to do my non-Millimeter Peter." She ignored him and pulled into their driveway.

"Well, then maybe you should have called one of your fan-girls to pick you up. Now, run inside and put some clothes on."

"El, do you have your period?"

"…No. Why the hell would you ask that?"

"Because I'm kind of horny. All the sexual tension in the car can make a guy get excited. And you are hot when you are threatening me. It could be a role-play type…" He trailed off when she handed him boxers,

"I picked you up from jail because you drunken ran around naked. You might be a registered sex-offender. You asked me to apologize to your penis. Then you ask me if I have my period so that I can have sex with you. Role-play sex because riding in the car made you horny? Hell no," she answered.

"Come on baby, you know you love me. And you owe me for calling my dick a millimeter peter,"

She laughed in a harsh tone,

"I picked your naked ass up from a public jail. Then, I had to block your penis as we forced through paparazzi to get to my car. YOU owe ME."

"I beg to differ. And 'Big Troy' agrees. That's two against one." She rolled her eyes,

"Your penis does not get a vote in this. Actually there is no vote. I am going to sleep because it is two in the morning and tomorrow there are going to be 300 messages for me on why the hell you were naked in public."

"I love you, baby," he said in a cute voice to get her forgiveness, "and I am really sorry. I'll never run around naked again. The only person in the world that will see me naked is you."

"I could really murder you right now and no one would care."

"El, I love you. Don't murder me." She paused and sighed,

"The things I do for you. Come on, let's just sleep. You wore me out with your act. I swear, if you ever wake me up because you are in jail, I will leave you in there to get ass-raped."

"El…"

"I'm going to cut off your penis in your sleep."

"Well, in that case, do you want to get a little use out of it tonight? Show you that 'Big Troy' is not a millimeter peter."

"I've seen it, stupid."

"Well, then you know it's not a millimeter."

"Fine, it's hot and huge. The best."

"I know."

"You are going to die tonight."

"Baby, I love you."

"And I love you too."

"Are you still going to kill me?"

"Probably."

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**What did you think? So, I got a twitter and I want twitter friends. So, if you have a twitter PM me it and I'll tell you mine. We can be twitter besties. Anyway...tell me what you think, it's been a while since I have written. And I finished this at midnight. **

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